A tribute to our house cat

Okay. So it just occured to me that our cat is old. Actually, he's grandpa-old, which is VERY old.

He has been with us for a very very long time, since I was in primary school I think, and I figured since he's going to leave us not too far off in the future, I might as well write a tribute to him now, before he REALLY leaves us.

Let's get this straight first; I hate our cat. He is THE most irritating thing EVER. I'll tell you why in a minute.

When he first came to us (my sister rescued him from the SPCA), he was named Snowy, because he's all white. See, my sister so creative.

But, he never did respond when we called for "Snowy". One time, my cousins came over, and our cat was under the dining table. My cousin brother went, "Snoweeee.. Snoweeeeeee!" But the cat pretty much ignored him. Everyone figured he was a snobbish cat then.

Then we (meaning my mom and sister, I don't do boh liao things wan) started trying out different names. The cat ignored every name they called him. 'Cept for one. It was an Indian name, "Muthusamy" or something. Serious mann, my sister pretty much gave up, and called it stupid names, and of all the names she called it, it had to choose to respond to Muthusamy.

See, our cat so stupid.

But of course, no one can really get used to calling their cat Muthusamy. One reason is because it's very embarrassing in front of the neighbours.

Then my sister came up with a new name that the cat responded to. She called him, very creatively, "Puss". So from then on, till now, whenever the cat is wanted, my family calls him "Pooooss!" Followed by that "tset tset" sound you make when you're calling after someone.

"Poooooooss! Tset tset!"

And the cat comes.

I never do that, because I am not boh liao, and also I am the only one in the family who hates the cat. I'm telling you, that cat has a human mind. Serious.

It only eats the best food. Give it cheap fish, the next morning the fish would still be in the cat's bowl, untouched. Give it fish we'd have for dinner, it eats everything up. See, it is stupid enough to respond to Muthusamy, but clever enough to know the difference between lousy fish and good-quality fish.

And, it is also very useless because it only comes to you and brush against your leg and Meows oh-so-sweetly, when it is hungry. Give him food, and when he's full, he'll pretty much go back to ignoring you. But he only Meows my sister and my mom and my dad; he never Meows me, because I never liked him enough to give him food. I never liked touching him either, and when he comes near, I'll grap a slipper and start whacking it loudly on the floor, so that he doesn't dare come near me.

But he's intelligent enough to learn tricks lah. Put your hand high above his head, and he'll jump up and rub his head against the palm of your hand. It wasn't that my sister consciously trained him, but he just picked it up after all these years.

"Puss tset tset" catches birds, and sometimes bites them, then leaves them there to die. And we'll find blood and scattered feathers on the porch. Not very often, but it happens. He loves playing with insects also, and again, he leaves them on the porch to die. I wish he'd just eat them up, so I don't have to see one half of a living thing on the left side of the porch, and the other half on the right.

But I have to admit, Puss provides us with entertainment. Like when he shits, then forgets that he just shitted (shat?), and proceeds to lick himself, and ter-licked this bit of brown stuff off his butt. Very sick, but entertaining nevertheless. Either it's what cats do, or Puss is hopelessly stupid. I think it's the latter.

My sister loves her cat A LOT. She actually cries when she has dreams of Puss dying. I cannot imagine what'll happen to her when he REALLY dies. You can tell he's very old, because he moves slower now, and he's getting a bit retarded. He also cannot climb as high as he used to.

Puss, you are one hell of a (irritating) cat. We'll never forget you (because you are so damn irritating)!

Cheers to our cat.