Ph.D

Dr. Santha is a 'Dr'.

She must've gotten a B.A. in English, then a M.A., then a Ph.D.

But she's working in a private college in Malaysia, teaching classes of 30 that make fun of her large, reflective spectacles and mock her very pronounced Indian accent.

She gets herself all worked up over the bad essays we write, the reports we submit in all the wrong formats.

Students like XXX sashay into her class 15 minutes late.

She works her way up to a Ph.D, just to tolerate all of this year after year?


Meh. Do I really want to leave my science days behind?

More.

More than failed physics papers,
more than the rushing of assignments,
more than presentations you screwed up because you 'umm'-ed too much,
more than dreading Parent-Teacher Day,
more than the iPod charger you threw away and realized only after the rubbish truck came by,
more than your pairs of good socks someone else threw away,
more than doing Statistics in maths.

More than fiiiine, more than bent on getting by, more than just o-kay.

"Your image in the dictionary, this life is more than ordinary."

Chili Peppers!


(Does this look like a Chili Peppers' fan site to you?)

Gloom, in Optimism.

Come to think of it, optimism and that funky/melancholic feeling go almost hand-in-hand, no?

'Gloomily optimistic' looks like an oxymoron at first sight, but naww, they're actually pretty good friends.


It's utterly possible because if you're optimistic, you imagine (expect, even) great things, you think of Things That Dreams Are Made Of, you wonder what goes beyond the boundaries.

Right out the door, cross the street, a little further than state lines, into the next country, all the way to the farthest continent, past that line where the sky meets the ocean, whither then?

Who knows. Who can imagine.



And what happens when you don't get there?

Or worse still, what happens if you're told there's no such place, it doesn't exist?

"Sorry lass, this is as far as you can go. Why dontcha make do with what you have?"

What then?

You become Gloomily Optimistic, is what. *Triumphant look*

Hah, told you it was possible.

You still think of what lies beyond the Realm of Reality, and you want to prove (PROVE!) that it DOES exist, I WILL find it!, but this time without that reckless abandon, and with a lot more vigilance.


Sometimes you know, know, KNOW of great and utterly wonderful things that can happen, but you also know that it's not happening yet, or you don't know how to make it happen.

Then you get a bit gloomy.

But of course, it's the kind of gloom that drives you.

Makes you sit in an place (no interruptions, please), far from distractions, far from what you think are your responsibilities, makes you Think.

In other words, make you go on that Isolation Scheme!


Ling told me I was weird when I said I find inspiration from All Things Melancholic.

(Beautiful word, isn't it? MelanCHOlic. Brings to mind a silver bell, softly tingling in the wind.)



Don't worry if you don't understand my Incomprehensible Theory on optimism.

I'm writing this as the words come to my mind, so I'm not spending a lot of time on this.

I haven't done that in a pretty long time. Maybe that's why blogging was getting very blah for me.

I gotta say, 'twas very enjoyable!






And what is the point of all the above words that make up this very redundant, very 'extra' post?

Nothing. No point.

Other than me trying to say that I'm feeling very Gloomily Optimistic these days.

(Now, I could've said all that in one line!)

To the point of buying just about any random album

Heyyyy so I've not written in this for two weeks, 'cause Week One I was too busy with exams, Week Two I was too busy with holidays.

Actually, I'm seeing less reasons to keep a blog than ever before. But nevermind that.

* * * * *

You know, since the beginning of this year, I'd been pretty excited to get to mid-year. 'Cause four of my favourite bands will be releasing new material.

But now semester one is gone, and semester two is about to start.

The disappointing thing is, I find there isn't much to be excited about after all.



Linkin Park has their new album out, and boy is it boring.

This, the band whose music I'd rush home after school to listen to, whose concert was the best concert I've been to so far, whom used to write VERY good stuff.

Their latest single is like a watered down version of what you might've gotten from Meteora.

I just skip it when it comes on in my music player. It's that bad.



Then we have SUM 41, whose latest album seems to be in the same vein as their first album, only a little more political. But it's pretty much the same, really.

It's the same "This is a mess, I don't have to take this shit from you, I'mma stand up and I'm going to be different from what you want from me" attitude. Underclass Hero, they say.

It seems a tad immature now, y'know? I mean, "Fcuk the leaders, We don’t need this, We’re the leaders of disarray"?

It's definitely nice enough to listen to if you've not listened to them much before, but if you've been listening to their old albums just a little over Many-Many-Times, it loses its appeal.

My once most-favouritest-band, mannnnnnnn! This is utterly disappointing.



Then Marilyn Manson has got a few new singles out.

It grows on you the more you listen to it, and while they sound very different from his previous material, they sound very similar to each other.

One of Manson's appeal is that he has different voices to convey different emotions, and the songs end up being very dynamic, like an actual story, instead of being Just Another Song.

Like soft whispers at the beginning, then loud, angsty screams in the middle, and some weird kind of voice during the bridge, and ends with soft whispers again.

But on the new singles he sounds the same throughout. Maybe that's what he wanted, but the songs lose their Big Climax.



Fortunately there's that redeeming band, Chevelle.

They're still churning out songs that leave you out of breath by the time you're done with them.

They're a little less cryptic with their lyrics this time, which is a good thing. My most played band, this.

Unfortunately, they don't sell their CDs here.

I had to pay more than the usual CD price for their old album because it was 'imported', and you couldn't even get them if you tried now, 'cause they're no longer being sold.
Or at least, not a single CD store I've visited has them.

My own theory is that they imported a certain number, and they've since been sold off.


Mehhh. I need something else to look forward to.

* * * * *

Off to Singapore later. Back next Thursday.

This time, I'll make sure we visit the discovery centre.

My mom was going on and on about how we wasted money because we spent an entire day cycling at the beach.

She asks why we couldn't have just went and cycled in Malaysia.

Come to think of it, why couldn't we have cycled in Malaysia?

Ciao!


(Do I need to post photos in my blog? Of myself and fellow cam whoring comrades? Do I need to tell the world what deep dark secrets I have? Or maybe what social events I've been to? Do I? Do I?

No I don't.

Call my blog boring. I still won't.)